No Title For This One, Just "Blaaaahhhh"

Probably about once every two weeks I have a dream that I am pregnant, I wake up sooooo excited  and then I realize it was just a dream. This is what happend to me last night. I hate the feeling I get when I realize it's not real, its such a tease. Today I had a follow up with my gyn to discuss how Clomid was going, and since it isn't going I was considering canceling the appointment. But in the end I didnt cancel and I have just gotten home from it.  It was depressing and I wish Nick could have come with me but his boss isn't the nicest and he didn't want to ask for off early. Nothing really came from the appointment. The only thing I found out was if I don't get pregnant within 5 months I am just going to be referred to Shady Grove fertility. When the doctor told me that I could just feel tears well up in my eyes. I know it hasn't been 5 months yet and I need to stop being so dramatic but I hate knowing that this is it. Like that my doctor doesn't think theres anything else he can do for me after this. I never wanted to end up at a fertility specialist, I guess because I never wanted  to be infertile or considered infertile. I know stressing out about it is only going to make this worse. I definatley don't think I let it control my life but I do think about it a lot and thats only because I have to keep tabs on everything pretty much everyday. I have to make sure I take 3 metformin a day. I have to make sure I check for ovulation daily. When I have a cycle I have to make sure I take my clomid. So its hard not to think about it when I kinda have to think about it ya know? When I came home I was in depresso mode and I ate like 4 mini valentines day rice krispe treats...blllllahhhhhh..........anyways! Thats it for now. Talk to you all later.